Clarkson Talks Candidly About Mental Health | PODCAST

When David Clarkson's NHL career ended, you would have never known he was a former player walking through his home. Clarkson gave away all his equipment and memorabilia from his playing days. There were no photos, no trophies, no jerseys, no game room. No traces whatsoever of his previous career.
When he was forced to retire due to injury, he lost the game he loved, and he lost his direction in life.
"It was a tough time for me," Clarkson said. "I stayed away from it. It's hard when the game of hockey is, I don't want to say all you know, but what you're passionate about. Then some doctor comes in and says your back is really bad…"
Clarkson had to give up the only thing he had ever wanted. The only thing he had ever known. It stripped away his joy, pride and sense of purpose.
"Mentally the only thing you know was taken away," he candidly admitted to the Speak of the Devils podcast. "I didn't want to get out of bed. I was lost. I didn't want any hockey stuff up of myself. I didn't have any pictures of anything hockey related. I didn't want it. Some guys have their jerseys up. I didn't want anything to do with any of it.
"When you hold things in and try to live with it yourself, unfortunately some of the world we live in people would say things and think you don't read it or hear it. And you do. You pretend you don't and put on a persona that it doesn't bother you, but it does. I am a sensitive person because I care about people. When it comes to something like yourself, you put on a persona like it's fine, I don't care. But I think we all do deep down."

Clarkson battled for his state and mental health for nearly two years. Efforts from his family and former coaches/teammates helped slowly pull him out of despair.
"I realized that I have these three little kids running around," said Clarkson, who has since added twins to those three. "It's not about me anymore. It's about them. Between that and coaching it put me back on the rails."
People like John Davidson and Bill Zito dragged Clarkson out of his bed on afternoons to get on the road to scout, or Adam Oates flying to see Clarkson for a few nights, or Pete DeBoer and Lou Lamoriello checking in constantly. They helped Clarkson find his path behind the bench, coaching youth hockey from early teens to high school over the past few years.
"I was lucky to have those people so when I failed, I felt like I had a crutch. For those people to be there for me was a big thing," Clarkson confessed. "I've never said it to 'Oatesy' but when he flew in and went to dinner with me for a couple of nights and was trying to convince me to coach, it meant the world to me, and it helped me because of the respect that I have for him."
Clarkson has since found some new gear and even hits the ice for men's league in Colorado, where his family set up roots, with some former NHL players and teammates. It's not your average men's league. And after a few years of doldrums, Clarkson has re-found his passion for hockey, and his passion for life.
"We all go through things no matter if you're hockey players or whatever avenue of life you're in," he said. "And it's how we handle it. I probably had a year and a half where I struggled but now, I'm doing awesome. I'm helping coach my son, taking my daughter to lacrosse, we travel together.
"Investing in your own kids is a piece of advice someone gave me. You never get that time back. I think part of it is my family and people that gave me opportunities to learn what path I wanted to take."
Here are some other topics covered in the podcast:
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David Clarkson | Speak of the Devils