When David Clarkson's NHL career ended, you would have never known he was a former player walking through his home. Clarkson gave away all his equipment and memorabilia from his playing days. There were no photos, no trophies, no jerseys, no game room. No traces whatsoever of his previous career.
When he was forced to retire due to injury, he lost the game he loved, and he lost his direction in life.
"It was a tough time for me," Clarkson said. "I stayed away from it. It's hard when the game of hockey is, I don't want to say all you know, but what you're passionate about. Then some doctor comes in and says your back is really bad…"
Clarkson had to give up the only thing he had ever wanted. The only thing he had ever known. It stripped away his joy, pride and sense of purpose.
"Mentally the only thing you know was taken away," he candidly admitted to the Speak of the Devils podcast. "I didn't want to get out of bed. I was lost. I didn't want any hockey stuff up of myself. I didn't have any pictures of anything hockey related. I didn't want it. Some guys have their jerseys up. I didn't want anything to do with any of it.
"When you hold things in and try to live with it yourself, unfortunately some of the world we live in people would say things and think you don't read it or hear it. And you do. You pretend you don't and put on a persona that it doesn't bother you, but it does. I am a sensitive person because I care about people. When it comes to something like yourself, you put on a persona like it's fine, I don't care. But I think we all do deep down."
Clarkson Talks Candidly About Mental Health | PODCAST
The former Devils forward discussed at length his recent struggles and how family, friends and coaching changed his life