As United States Air Force veteran Sonya Bryson-Kirksey belted the final notes of the National Anthem, “The home of the brave”, prior to the Nov. 7 Tampa Bay Lightning game at AMALIE Arena, she lifted her arm to point toward the night’s anthem guest, recognizing a woman who has represented and supported thousands of veterans and service members.
Shelina Frey has long helped the Tampa Bay Lightning honor members of the United States military through her work with the United Services Automobile Association (USAA), connecting both active members of the armed forces and veterans with the team to be guests during the National Anthem on Military Appreciation Night.
Frey received her own recognition at this year’s celebration at AMALIE Arena, serving as the anthem guest just days ahead of Veterans Day on Nov. 11. She served in the Air Force for 34 years.
"Sometimes I'm humble to a fault, right? Because I want to honor other people,” Frey said prior to stepping onto the ice. “I feel like I'm doing God's work, so I'm already taken care of, and they (The Lightning) were very adamant about it. So here I am. Humbled, a little nervous, but so very honored.”
Frey’s career is one worth honoring.
Frey thought she would be a special education teacher and began her college career studying the field before her counselor told Frey she was too passionate and needed to find a new career that would more fully explore that passion.
Her uncle, an Army veteran, visited her family shortly after, bringing his spit-shined boots and stories about hard work and his comrades. Frey asked him about joining the military, and her new future was born.
She joined the Louisiana National Guard while working full-time as a test to see if military life was a good fit.
“I joined the Louisiana Air National Guard, and oh my God,” Frey said. “That was it. I knew like the second drill we did that this was the place for me.”
Frey spent a year and a half in the National Guard before pivoting to active duty with the Air Force.
She began as an administrative assistant before advancing to be the special assistant to the Chief Master Sergeant of the Air Force–the highest position in the Air Force. She specialized in the health and welfare of fellow Air Force members, training, development and recruiting.
She then taught professional military education (PME) at Hurlburt Field, an air base in Okaloosa County, Florida. The job included helping new Air Force members learn the aspects of military life and its core values.
"My passion is people. My passion is helping people to grow and realize who they are outside of what they see themselves as,” Frey said. “And so I taught PME, then I became a First Sergeant. Now I'm getting into the nitty gritty of families, family challenges, family concerns, but that's my forte. I love people.”
She moved up the ranks to Chief and eventually to Command Chief, overseeing “hundreds of thousands of people” and prioritizing their health, welfare, morale and family concerns.
She was the first-ever female and first African American to be the Senior Enlisted Leader in combat region Air Forces Central Command as well as the first African American female to be the Senior Enlisted Leader for an Air Force 4-Star Major Command, Air Mobility Command.
In the late 1980s, somebody called her a double negative because she was a Black woman in the Air Force.
"You live through those challenges because my mama taught me that you are who you say you are, and if you let people tell you who you are, then they control you. And I was not going to have that. That's right. I respected everybody, from the airmen to the general. Along the way, I started treating NCOs and airmen like they were my children.”
The people under her command began lovingly doting her as ‘Big Mama’.
"And that was an honor because Big Mama is the matriarch of a family. That's the person that you don't want to challenge. You don't want to disappoint Big Mama. So when I retired, I had so many of my troops call me, email me: 'Thank you for investing in me. Because if it had not been for you, I don't think I'd be where I am right now.'
“That’s an honor.”
Part of getting people to open up required Frey to speak of her own personal battles and the challenges she overcame to reach the level of Command Chief.
One of those battles came from persevering through sexual assault at 15 years old. As she was climbing the ranks, troops would tell her they aspired to be like her when they grew up, and she would tell them that they didn’t know her path.
When she was at Al Udeid Air Base in Qatar, suicides and mental health concerns were growing among her fellow troops who were struggling with mental health battles and the harsh realities of life.
Frey’s two-star general told Frey they needed a personal story about overcoming adversity.
"So in front of a camera that went across the military, I said, 'You know me as Chief Frey. I'm Shelina, who was sexually assaulted at 15. It was not my fault, but it forced me to grow into who I am today.' And I shared that. And I got so many phone calls and emails from people I didn't know who thanked me for sharing my story. It kind of freed them to be okay with who they are based on that bad experience, and so I began to share it more.”
She also struggled with endometriosis and the inability to have children, something she shared with military families who were having similar troubles.
"It caught on to me that, hey, listen, you were put in this world to make people better. Yes, you're gonna go through something. It's gonna be ugly. All I ever wanted was to have children. Forget the picket fence. I just wanted a family. I could not have children. I've never been married, but I love who I am."
Minutes before walking onto the ice at AMALIE Arena to stand in solidarity beside Bryson-Kirsey, Frey knew the moment would be emotional. With stars emblazoned in lights across the rink as Frey spoke on keeping her composure, tears were forming.
"I will experience something I've never experienced before. Right now I could flood this place with tears. And they'll be tears of joy, tears of appreciation. Tears of, 'Hey girl, you did it. You did it well. This is your moment in time. You earned this.' And I have to convince myself of that.”
