BRAR'S BOOK: The Mental Game

“It will be a good test for me personally as well.”

Stuart Skinner delivered his closing statement to wrap up his pre-game media availability on October 21. The Oilers were hosting the Winnipeg Jets after an up-and-down start to the season. As the cameras turned off, he thanked the reporters for their time — a subtle testament to his character on its own.

He proceeded to sit in his stall and look around for a minute, taking a moment to remind his younger self how far he’s come.

“It’s pretty cool to think you’re in the best league in the world. Sometimes, you don’t see that part,” Skinner shared. “Seeing the Oilers jerseys, seeing who I’m playing with. If you told me I was going to be here five or six years ago, I would have told you you’re nuts.”

Mature beyond his years.

I remember when I was 25 years old, having just completed my first semester of the Radio & Television program at NAIT. Grinding away with hopes of one day living out my dream and allowing life processes to unfold while making every mistake you possibly could along the way.

It was a personal challenge I embraced.

But even then, I didn’t have to deal with much external pressure, especially that of being an NHL hockey player; or in this case, the starting netminder for a historic NHL franchise.

My good friend, Josh Park (who does such an excellent job with game-day presentation for the Oilers) always says, “Pressure is a privilege.”

When I shared that quote with Skinner, he paused and smiled. He responded, “It’s an absolute privilege to feel any type of pressure. We feel pressure every single day. It’s very special to us. We get to work every day in a game we love to play at the highest level.”

The best part about it?

“Working towards (our goals) with each other, with a team, with a brotherhood. Trying to win a championship together.”

Before you can be the best teammate you can be, you must first become the best version of yourself. Skinner knows and understands this lesson. We hear about the ‘grind of an 82-game schedule,’ but we often only consider the physical component of that statement.

“When you step onto that ice, you want to be in the right frame of mind,” explains Skinner’s teammate, Oilers captain Connor McDavid. “Otherwise, performing at your best is almost impossible.

“The game is so hard. When you’re not right physically or mentally, the game is almost impossible. To give yourself a chance at succeeding you have to be in the right state physically and mentally.”

This is the best player in the world. If we ever needed an example of someone who gets it, we can look no further. Full stop.

Skinner understands this to his core. He understood it well before he stepped into the brightest spotlights of hockey. “I started working with a mental health coach since I was 19 or 20 years old. I came off winning a (WHL) championship,” Skinner excitedly shared.

“But then I got a humbling experience.”

Skinner was sent down to the ECHL – the first guy sent down from Bakersfield’s AHL training camp. But as we know in Oil Country, ‘Skinsy’ is a battler. He is a fighter. And the first battle he has to win is the one in his mind.

His message: there’s nothing wrong with getting help in accomplishing that.

“It’s a good thing to stay even keel. Especially in hockey or anything really, there are a lot of highs and lows. There are a lot of emotions in every single game, a lot of stress that goes into every single game. And I have a family to go back home to. Getting help with that has been critical in my life.”

During my time in hockey — and I still have so much to learn — one thing has become apparent so far: the best hockey players are the most accountable ones. The humans who hold themselves to the same standard they expect of their teammates. That’s what makes them and a team great.

Skinner’s personal standard has heightened working alongside his mental health coach. Sometimes, that means brutally honest conversations.

“I thought I heard it all. I thought (meeting my psychologist for the first time) was going to be the same old stuff that everyone says. And he was calling me out left, right and centre. He was calling me out on all my stuff. It was good for me to hear and get my butt kicked a bit. Ever since that, he’s advocated for my life so hard. It’s really helped me grow up as a person.

“I see my relationships differently. I see hockey differently.”

Speaking of ‘growing up,’ we’ve touched on the external pressures of being an NHL goalie, but let’s not forget the internal pressures we place within ourselves with a dream that big.

In young Stuart’s life, joyful shouts and laughter shared with his brothers echoed through his Riverbend neighbourhood. Dressed head to toe in Oilers gear — equipment that emulated his favourite player growing up, Dwayne Roloson — Skinner played hockey with a dream.

He took that dream with him everywhere. To the driveway, to the basement, to the road, to school and especially to Rexall Place where he watched ‘Roli’ backstop the Oilers. The 25-to-30-minute drive to the then-home of the Oilers was always worth it.

“I was amazed at how Dwayne Roloson played. Watching him play, I was just mesmerized. A majority of my family (would be) there. I had Lay’s chips — original — and dipped it in a little bit of ketchup because that’s what little kids do,” laughed Skinner.

This dream was deeply rooted. With that, naturally, comes internal pressure. This creates challenges in the mind that need to be conquered. So for Skinner, it was imperative he did everything in his power to triumph. To realize his dream.

He asked for help along the way, and with diligent hard work, he has.

Stuart Skinner is the starting netminder of the Edmonton Oilers.

“To hear the 'Stuuuu’s!' and you get to make some big saves and you get to win some games for the Edmonton Oilers, it’s amazing to live your childhood dream.”

Closing notes:

If you are reading this and may need some help, I hope this piece encourages you to do so. For me personally, asking for help has allowed me to become the best version of myself. Clearly for Stuart Skinner as well. The best part about it? We’re always a work in progress as human beings. There’s nothing wrong with asking your loved ones or professionals for help along the way. From experience, it’s the greatest single thing I’m most proud of. A great quote from my favourite short film: “Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re giving up. It’s refusing to give up.”

When I asked Stuart what he’s most grateful for, his mind immediately went to his family. “I’m most grateful for my wife Chloe and my son, Beau. They’ve been literally everything to me.” Thank you for sharing that, Stuart. Seeing Chloe and Beau is always a highlight for us at Oilers TV. Just an amazing family that breeds positivity, humility, respect and kindness.

I really appreciate Stuart’s and Connor’s time in helping make this column.