Ashley Duchene: Being a Hockey Mom is 'Unlike Anything Else'

Ashley Duchene was in the carpool line one fall afternoon, waiting to pick up her children from school.

Her husband, Nashville Predators forward Matt Duchene, had a game that night at Bridgestone Arena. The couple's children were brimming with excitement to go to the rink to watch their dad - in the case of their 4-year-old son, Beau, perhaps a bit too much excitement.

"It was such a funny thing and something I never thought I would have to deal with as a mom," Ashley said, chuckling. "They go to a sweet, little Christian school… I go to pick them up and Beau gets in the car and the teacher's like, 'Well, we had a little incident today. Beau was chanting the 'You suck!' chant during lunch.' And I'm like, 'Oh my gosh.'"

The chant in question is, of course, one of many well-rehearsed taunts hurled at the opposing team by the home crowd during Preds home games. Beau, who has practically been raised at the rink, knows them all well.

"I think he was telling his friends about [the game] and then it obviously progressed to the chant," Ashley said. "And how do you tell him no? They go to the rink, and they know every chant."

That's not an exaggeration - the Duchene kids even exclaim, "Thanks, Paul!" when there's one minute remaining on the kitchen timer at home. While that may be an exception, Ashley and Matt have had to explain to Beau that many of the things he hears at the rink can be repeated at home, but not at school. Just file it under occupational hazards of raising a child in an NHL household.

Take, for example, the injury that Matt sustained in the March 26 game against the Toronto Maple Leafs that sidelined him for the remainder of the season. Following the game, he stood outside the locker room with a bandaged hand and explained to hockey operations staff that the injury was so severe that part of his fingertip had still been in his glove when he removed it. Beau, who was by Matt's side for the entire conversation, had to be reminded of the rules.

"We were like, 'You can't go to school and tell people like your dad lost his finger because they'll think you're crazy,'" Ashley laughed.

Ashley had always wanted to be a mom, and while the label of Hockey Mom is traditionally reserved for a mother whose children play hockey, she is a different type of Hockey Mom - one that comes with its own unique set of challenges.

"Taking the kids to the game is such a scary concept," Ashley said. "But when you think about it, these are core memories for the kids growing up."

When Matt is on the ice with the Predators, Ashley has her hands full with Beau and their two daughters, Jaymes (2) and Ellie (4 months). The NHL lifestyle is one to which the Duchene family has become accustomed, and Ashley takes all of its highs and lows in stride.

"I don't think it really felt like the challenges of the motherhood aspect until this year, just with the kids getting a bit older," Ashley said. "[Beau] realizes when Matt's gone because we're not going to games or his schedule just changes so drastically when Matt's home versus when Matt's not. So I think that's definitely been more difficult this year. But then it's also been fun in the sense that he wants to stay up later to watch games and understands what city daddy's in, and he's learning the mascots and the teams. So that's been really fun."

Matt's travel schedule does not come without challenges, particularly for Ashley, who has had to assume the role of rule enforcer at home.

"I think the challenge is just being bad cop all the time," Ashley said. "You're home alone and then Matt comes home and he's like, 'Oh, like, just let them stay up a little bit later,' because he misses them. So I think that's the biggest challenge for sure, with them being so little."

Being "bad cop" doesn't come naturally for Ashley, who identifies as the more laid-back half of the couple. But when it comes to raising kids while being married to a professional athlete, it comes with the territory.

"Personality-wise, I'm definitely more relaxed," Ashley said. "I go with the flow; nothing really fazes me. "But then when it comes to the kids, I'm so strict and he's not as strict. Again, it's the distance thing, right? He doesn't want to come home and be the bad guy. So I'm definitely the one making all the rules at home and Matt's the one saying, 'Do what your mom says.'"

As if it isn't taxing enough being the only parent at home for much of the year, Ashley faced the additional challenge of being pregnant for the first part of the 2022-23 season until Ellie's birth on Dec. 27.

"When you get pregnant during the summer, you're just crossing your fingers waiting for the schedule to come out," Ashley said. "You're like, 'Please be home, please be home.' This year was crazy because [Matt] flew out the day after [Ellie] was born and then came home for two days and then left for 14 days. So it was just a whirlwind, but with the third [child] you're kind of used to it. With the first one, I was horrified; I was so scared."

In fact, there was a silver lining to Matt's injury occurring when it did this season.

"Obviously you don't want to see them get hurt, but that part was kind of like a blessing in the whole thing because [Ellie] got to be around him so often," Ashley said.

When it comes to raising a child - or in the Duchenes' case, three children - it takes a village. Ashley feels fortunate to be able to rely on the support of her family, particularly her parents, who moved to Nashville from Denver last April.

"You don't find that, ever, in hockey," Ashley said. "The biggest thing [hockey wives] want is for their family to live close. So I've been so lucky in that sense for Matt to play in Denver, where I was from, and then Ottawa; Matt's from just outside of Ottawa, so we had family there. Now to be here, with my parents living here, I've been so lucky."

Ashley has also found a second family with the other Preds wives, particularly those who are also moms. She has grown close with Kaylee McDonagh, wife of Preds defenseman Ryan McDonagh, whose son, Murphy, is the same age as Beau. Ashley is also part of a group text with other Preds moms, who frequently arrange playdates, meet-ups at the park, swim classes, soccer lessons and more.

"You build such a community in this lifestyle with other moms," Ashley said. "Everybody's so understanding."

Part of the reason Ashley has become so close with Kaylee McDonagh is that Beau and Murphy have started taking skating lessons together; pretty soon, Ashley will be a Hockey Mom in more ways than one.

"I've been putting it off for as long as I could," she laughed.

Even 2-year-old Jaymes has started to show an interest in hockey, frequently picking up a stick and wanting to play with her dad and brother.

"She's Matt's biggest fan," Ashley said. "She's such a daddy's girl. So pretty much anything he does, he can do no wrong. So she's like, 'Oh, he's playing hockey? Okay, I'm going to play hockey.'"

The Duchenes even put a small rink in their garage this offseason, where Matt, Beau and Jaymes can be found playing together for hours.

"The three of them are out there all day long," Ashley said. "It's great."

While raising three kids under the age of five entails plenty of trials and tribulations, it is also a source of tremendous joy for Ashley. When asked her favorite part about being a mom, she couldn't help but smile.

"This might seem like a funny thing to say, but kids are so funny," Ashley said. "I think it's my favorite thing. You'll be so stressed out, you've got three kids running around, the baby's crying, and then… the other day Beau came in and he's like, 'Mama, do you know what 'disarray' means?' It's moments like that when you see the growth as they're changing and learning; it's just unlike anything else."

Indeed, Ashley's kids are growing up before her eyes, and it has taught her to notice and appreciate the little things - especially the third time around.

"The other day, [Ellie] was starting to notice Jaymes and Beau, and she was mimicking what they were doing," Ashley said. "It's moments like that when they're starting to grow and change and develop; it's just so special."

As any parent can attest, children grow up in the blink of an eye. Ashley's advice for other Hockey Moms? Cherish the small moments, go easy on yourself - and maybe even retire the "bad cop" badge from time to time.

"When the guys are home, make it enjoyable family time," she said. "The kids want to stay up 20 minutes later because Dad's home, and you've just got to let them do it a little bit because these times are so fleeting."