My Story: One Career Ends, Another Begins

All I ever wanted was to play in the NHL.
I'm willing to bet you've probably heard that aspiration before, especially from someone who was once a hockey-obsessed, Massachusetts born and raised 10-year-old who was on the ice or in the driveway with a hockey stick whenever possible.
But, the thing is, I actually came closer than most other kids who have that dream. I shot up the ranks in high school, got a scholarship to college, was drafted into the NHL and signed a professional contract.
In fact, I actually did play in the NHL, but exhibition games don't count on the official record. Nevertheless, there I was, the crest of the Nashville Predators on my chest.
And then, all of a sudden, everything went dark.

I was five when I started playing - growing up in Framingham, about 30 minutes west of Boston - and I was instantly hooked. I had two brothers that also played and my father would always coach one of our teams. I was an active kid and played all sorts of sports, but hockey was always my first love.
We were a hockey family living in a hockey town. When you're a kid, you always say you want to play in the NHL, but when you grow up in Boston, chances are you also want to play college hockey locally, too.
It's a big part of our fabric, the college hockey in the area, especially the Beanpot Tournament. It's held every year between the four local teams - Boston University, Boston College, Northeastern and Harvard - and it takes center stage the first two Mondays of February.
My dad took me when I was little, and I remember being in awe of the games, the players, the crowd. I can remember writing papers when I was a little kid in grade school saying I wanted to play college hockey, I wanted to play in the Beanpot, and hopefully play in the NHL one day.
As I got older, I started to realize that dream may actually happen. I began my freshman season at BU in the fall of 1994. In the 15 years since I first started playing, I'd grown to be a 6-foot-4 defenseman that could skate and play a strong two-way game. We had some great teams at BU, too. How great?
Well, we did win four consecutive Beanpots.

I graduated with my degree in the spring of 1998, and in October, I signed with the Predators, my first professional contract. I was so close to my lifelong dream of playing in the NHL. When you're 22, it feels like you've worked for decades to reach this goal and your entire focus revolves around it.
I joined the Predators affiliate in Milwaukee, a team in the International Hockey League at that time. I played for the Admirals that season and felt good about where my game was headed. I learned a ton that first year of pro. Everything is different: the schedule, the players, the travel. But there's just no substitute for the experience you add. I really felt like I was in a good place and had a sense about what I needed to do to finally make it, to finally play in the NHL.
I trained that summer like never before, and I came into training camp with the Predators in 1999 feeling confident. My first few days of camp started out well. I felt like I was close, felt like I knew where I was. I felt like I could play at the NHL level. I was ready.
The first exhibition game arrived, and I was going to be in the lineup. We were playing against the Atlanta Thrashers, and I was eager to show the coaching staff and management what I was capable of doing.
And then I took an elbow to the jaw.
Hockey is a contact sport, and I had been hit countless times before, but this was different, felt different. I suffered a concussion from the hit and I went out of the lineup for a couple of months struggling with the symptoms. The hope was that rest would help the headaches go away over time, but that wasn't happening.
I was sent to see a specialist in Chicago who ran me through a battery of tests and an MRI before heading back to Milwaukee. The results came soon after, and I'll never forget getting the phone call.
The doctor explained the results to me, lots of medical terms, and I kind of said, "what does that mean?" And he said, "my advice is you don't play hockey anymore." I was 23.
I was right there. I had it. And now everything I'd ever wanted was slipping through my fingers. I didn't even get to say goodbye. I didn't get to be the one who decided my future.
There's a lot worse things that can happen to you, don't get me wrong, but this was hard. It took me close to a year and a half before I could finally clear the symptoms and feel like myself again.

I had seen Paul Fenton a time or two during my time with the BU Terriers. Now the assistant general manager for the Predators, Paul was handling player personnel and working a lot with the Admirals when I was there in the late 90's and I really enjoyed getting to know him.
After my injury and forced retirement from the game, I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do next. I had my degree. I had good family and network support at home, and there were probably a lot of different things that I could've done. But how do you find a new passion after the one you had pursued your whole life is taken away from you?
At the end of the day I felt like I still had a lot of hockey in me. It was hard to want anything else. Maybe it wasn't going to be as a player, but I still loved the game, I still had a passion for it. I had some good relationships within the organization, particularly with Paul, and that's how I got my foot in the door.
So there it was, my first job as an adult: a hockey scout.
I started out on a part-time basis, mostly doing pro scouting. Paul and the Predators General Manager David Poile were kind enough to give me a chance to get my feet wet in hockey operations, and it grew from there. The job became full time within a year, and then I switched over to the amateur side of scouting - and now here I am, 17 years later as the Director of Player Personnel.
It's gone so quickly. To think you've been part of an organization for almost 20 years, between 17 as a scout and then a couple as a player, it's just amazing, but it's also a really special thing to see the growth of the organization, to be a part of that over the years.

I've learned there's no manual for scouting, really. It's one of those things where you have to have an eye for it, you have to have instincts for the game. You learn through experience, and from the people you work with. For example, Paul has been an unbelievable mentor.
The biggest thing is the feel and instincts in evaluating players. You can sit there and go, "OK, he skates really well and he has skill," but there's also that gut feeling that he's a future NHL player, he's going to make it.
I never like to think I'm solely responsible for the success we have at the NHL Draft - rather, it's what we do as a staff that has led us to find success over the years.
My first year as the chief amateur scout was the 2008 Draft, and we traded up for Roman Josi that year in the second round. Nowadays, there's more and more Swiss players in the League, but 10 years ago, Switzerland wasn't a place producing as many talented players.
But with Roman, we had scouted him, we had known him for a couple years; even going back to his underage year, we always really liked him. I remember when we got back to the hotel after the first round of the draft that year and he was still really high on our list. I said in the meeting we wanted to trade up and take this guy, and I remember David kind of looking at me like, "you really want to trade up for a Swiss defenseman?"
That was one of the first times you really had to believe in your instincts and put your neck on the line a bit. But, I guess it's turned out OK.

We have a great staff here with the Preds. It's like a family. You hear people, all the time, say they're not happy with their situation at work or whatnot, but we have great people here and I'm very lucky.
For me, seeing the impact that we can make on the Predators franchise, it's the most rewarding aspect of the job. You're not with the team on a day-to-day basis, but all these guys, we live and die with the wins and losses. To fulfill our role to bring the players in here and try to win the Stanley Cup, we're all working towards the same goal and that's really cool.
After my injury, I had such a hard time deciding what to do next because I wanted to be a part of a team so badly. It's all I'd known for my whole life. But to be able to fill that void - I'm 41 years old now - and I get to work in the game I love for my career. How good is that?
There was a great comment last year I heard that our former coach, Barry Trotz, had made when we got to the Stanley Cup Final. He said he was happy for a lot of the people here that had "a lot of sweat equity invested in the organization." The quote was something along those lines, and I thought that was awesome because he's right.
You look at David, he's been here since Day One, and it starts at the top. Paul has been here from the beginning, some of our scouts like Lucas Bergman and Janne Kekalainen have been here longer than I have been scouting. There are people from all areas of the organization that have been part of it and invested that sweat equity and I consider myself one of those people.
Am I proud of that? Yeah, you better believe it.